Nervous I was to walk through the doors, knowing the agenda was to strip down and allow strangers to observe every inch of my bare body. What more that we are in Malaysia, where following traditional taboo, nudity is associated with the idea of indecency and shame. Yet, Rumah Attap Library was a safe space- as my previous article alluded from an artist’s perspective. The life drawing sessions were attended by kind, perhaps mostly introverted but certainly beauty-admiring artists whose eyes see beyond exposed skin and unkempt hair to appreciate the lines along muscles in their most natural, unrestricted forms. No judgement or snarky remarks targeting the models’ bodies were ever expressed.
So, when I stood in the middle of the room, with lights and eyes on me, I stared forward with purpose in my eyes and held myself with full pride. The life drawing session at Rumah Attap Library became a haven where my body took ownership of a canvas identity, a form of expression, and an embodiment of art itself. The only difference from any of my aforementioned public nudity experiences was that, nudity where it is practised as a norm, be it where people celebrate a spiritual connection with nature or where they appreciate the sense of physical liberation, they exchange respect and privacy that each other needs. Life modelling, on the other hand, registers you as the default subject in the room. Your confidence will affect the way you look. Yes, your audience doesn't judge you, but the challenge is within yourself as a model in the pursuit of the best presentation. I challenged myself with poses I had studied prior but with my own twists, making use of different muscle groups in order to show off my best forms.
With the help of lighting, I felt like I had transformed into a statue like David, with serious gazes from the floor wanting to capture how I positioned my limbs. I then understood how every slight movement of my muscles altered the ‘lines’ along my body, which was truly intriguing. The ever-changing forms of presentation equated an unpredictability in the art subject. I needed to switch muscles when they got sore but oftentimes we still had remaining minutes for the same pose. And as I felt my tense muscles making micro adjustments, I wondered how that might affect the artists’ works. Would they even notice I had shifted my muscles? How much imagination of my body did they blend into the actual shapes they observed within those short pockets of drawing time? And how would I appear on their drawing boards? I hoped I would like them.
Artwork by @yongyoonkit (Instagram)
We did poses after poses as the drawing time slowly extended till it got up to 30 minutes per pose. I was exhausted, but as the instructor announced that the last set of drawing time had ended, I received a round of applause and praise for my unique poses and commitment to staying in pose. My sore back and legs were surprisingly felt by my audience as they shared their concerns and admired my resilience. One of my poses even involved me biting an apple for 10 minutes- what a strenuous exercise for my jaw! Now, I could proudly declare that my experience-hungry self knows what it feels like to be a life model- it's really not all glamour and beauty. It’s a commitment to art and an avenue for ‘honest’ story-telling.
The artists then laid their works on the floor, showcasing their product of the 2.5-hour-long session. From pencil sketches to watercolour paintings, from crayon work to a mixture of different mediums, they all looked gorgeous. I was so pleased to see my body through the eyes of other artists. How magically they had traced their pens along every curve and edge they observed on my body, some defined my muscles so well they made me look rather ripped (which I obviously love). And since every artist sat at different points in the room, they drew from distinct angles, which added variation to the perspectives explored on my physique. I received waves of compliments as a model, which I humbly accepted. It felt like I have harvested and utilised my knowledge and muscle memory in fashion modelling from my brief, casual experiences back when I was studying in the UK.
This life modelling session reminded me of how it felt to perform with my body, as if my body was my main stage, my tools and my canvas to express myself. Words appeared in my head in an approving chant: "I am a model, my body is my art, I own my art, I own my body." No regrets to all the 7:30am gym sessions, though I’m still a long way from getting my ideal body shape. With that said, I recognise that I am athletically lean- too skinny a fitness model, but I feel sufficiently secure to go shirtless on beaches and I look convincingly fit in photos. I raised a question in my previous article regarding whether body discrimination and insecurities in body image come from ourselves more, or from others. This experience seems to me a validation of the fact that our self-love and confidence are what matters the most. Being true to oneself is to love and embrace, and this shields us from feeling even the slightest bothered about others’ opinions on us, moreover on our body which we have full ownership over.
On my journey seeking truths in all perspectives of life, I consider this a fruitful module. As much as it helped me reflect on whether I am truly comfortable with my body or to what extent I feel reserved about exposing my skin, I felt celebrated as an art piece myself. I think this is a must-try-at-least-once experience, for any curious soul who would dare to challenge themselves- not to prove they could be carefreely naked in front of others, but rather, to explore how they could be soul-baringly honest and comfortable with themselves. Say, could they let go of the external ego of whatever shield given by luxurious garments and precious metals, or values only instilled by societal norms? My main aim joining this life drawing session as a model was to experience it as an art subject. Did it ever cross my mind that my friends and families would judge me if they find out (since anything to do with nudity is supposedly a taboo in my community)? Yes, but who cares- I’m an artist, no explanation is ever necessary in the name of art (well, unless it's something immoral, and in this case, it’s not).
Artwork by @yongyoonkit (Instagram)
If I could drop a tip for anyone interested in trying out as a life model, to thine own self be true! Never let what comments others might have against you, your body, life drawing or nudity put you down. Be confident, embrace your body, celebrate yourself as an art subject. Then, I promise, you would find yourself looking magical in the paintings and sketches your artists create, and you will learn a thing or two about appreciating your body more.
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