You-Want's Life

I just read the letter I wrote for my current self from December 2017. And I... genuinely feel sorry for that hopeful guy who once held beautiful visions of his 2018. It turned out a roller coaster. One driving through hectic stack of work; heavy depressing mess of emotions; mistrust and fear. I don't mean it was an entire year of pain and sorrow. It has, in fact, been a year of growth. I have pushed myself out there by doing a busking performance and giving a live talk on stage. Whose life has got no downfalls, disappointments and worries? No one. Only that I emphasised on mine too much that I dropped into this dark abyss that I couldn't crawl out of. I don't see myself as a depression patient. It wasn't it. It was period. It was too much fear drawn from comparisons with the past. And it took a lot of courage, and a change of environment to finally get better. I had a really hard time pushing myself through in the beginning of the year. I was in a puddle o...

I started using Instagram, for the love of photography. I have since used it as a platform to share photos of daily life items, food, scenery and so many other things. It was a training ground for my photography skills. Well, I am very aware that I am still not super professional at this stage, but I am beyond proud to have created a number of shots which I find aesthetically pleasant. They became a face of my own, a style I call my own. These branches are like entangled emotions; I sometimes feel them, but never find the right words to express them. It's both weird and interesting to see these written across pictures. Started off with pictures of floras against the sky in various shades at different time, I see the contrasting colours as a mystery.  I like stories that comes in colours and shades of light. The flowers in my picture often paint a light dust of anonymity in the stories I have deep in my heart.  And I started taking extreme measure...

Look- Look at all these young faces. These beautiful smiles like the sunsets……. Look at the happiness written across their faces without words. Those smiles summed up their successful lives, or perhaps a luxurious lifestyle, fancy dresses, expensive cars. I mean, look at the smiles on their faces, they look like they have been promoted at work or something. But, the truth is, this is not the case These people share one thing in common. One thing I regret to have to say. They committed suicide. Regardless of how happy they look in these photos, they were dying inside. The World Health Organisation (WHO) estimates a global mortality rate of 16 people per 100000, equivalent to one death every 40 seconds. Suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for youth aged 10-24. The statistics is more than deaths caused by medical issues including cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, combined. Doesn’t this mean something? What are the youths...

I am more than just surprised by the number of people who welcomed me with their company when the faces I called 'best friends' turned me down.   One funny thing about connections is that, you never know how many bridges you have built before a life disaster happens. And the amount of selfless help you received when you called for it can be over-whelming. Only in hardships and harsh conditions that real friends make their appearances. And at the moment of hopelessness where you are deserted by the people who surround you all year long, you see who genuinely has the heart to care for you and who stays by your side.   There is no easy way to confess my truth of being an emotionally unstable individual, who is easily affected in the negative light. I spent months, sad and under pressure because of my studies and personal life, and desperate for attention and empathy. I was a mess, one who has immense self-doubt, anxiety and insecurity about himself; one who holds on too tight...

Kolej Tuanku Ja'afar is organising its first TEDx talk in history two days from now, which is 21 October 2018 (Sunday).   There's no need to guess my reason of making this mention. I am one of the 13 event speakers, addressing the issue of youths' misuse of social media as a platform of building a perfect image. I am sharing personal experience of my own, as a heavy user of Facebook and Instagram. I have started using Facebook since 2010, Instagram started 3 years later. The very first thought of joining was merely to connect with friends and express my love for photography. However, my way of using such platforms over the years had changed so much.   I realised I was building a certain image for myself-- one who shares his exciting encounters and achievements; one who associates success with popularity derived from the number of 'likes' I received. There had been too many pictures where I looked 'overjoyed', or seemed to be having fun in life, even though...

Never have I  mentioned that I am currently in a 2-year course of A Levels at Kolej Tuanku Ja’afar. I have finished my AS level back in June and am now preparing for my A2 examinations. My summer was spent reading and doing researches for my Personal Statement, which is a key in the application requirement set by universities in the United Kingdom.   As I aim to pursue Economics as a degree in the near future, I maximise my time of reading during my free time to enrich my exposure to the economic phenomena around me. I have selected a few universities that I am interested in. The list consists of a mix of schools in London, which offers a an exciting lifestyle and of course a range of social networking opportunities to aid in future career, and in country towns, which slower pace of life is of advantage when you prefer a more tranquil lifestyle in wide beautiful campuses.   Having sent off my UCAS application, I felt a great relief. I had spent a hu...

I have been awfully busy. As I returned to my school, Kolej Tuanku Ja ’afar, after my 6-week Summer break, my housemates and I were tasked to manage the house singing performance. We had started discussing our performance before the long break started, picking the songs to sing and trying to find some catchy dance moves. However, things are all easier said than done. Discussing choreography and dance moves orally did not help much when it came to teaching juniors how to sing at the right keys, or synchronising their dances. Having only 10 of us to manage the rest of the house of approximately 70 teens was not easy. A brief info about the KTJ House Singing, it is the first interhouse challenge of the year, for its advantage of bringing the entire house together and compete with the other houses regardless of gender and age. In KTJ, there are 8 boarding houses (4 senior boys, 3 senior girls and 1 junior house). My house, Naquiyuddin, the Green house which mascot is sheep, select...